A confused otter’s mumblings and rumblings

Monday, 25th August, 2014

Innocent guilty pleasure

Filed under: Humans, Mammals, Pleasure — Otter @ 05:20

I walk by the bus station. A young woman is looking carefully over the timetable, knees slightly bent, hands on thighs to balance herself, the curves of her bottom discernable in the creases of her chinos. She glances around nervously, catches my eye as I continue past, inhaling briefly in shock, and turns back with embarrassment to the schedules, position unmodified. She is extremely pretty, and scared of her power.

I keep walking after one last look back. Transience is the only intransient, and soon I will forget her. She will become just a whisper of a dream.

And then I realise that was my bus stop too, the one I needed to get where I need to go. So I turn back, scared and glad.

And she is still waiting as I arrive, still nervous, running over to the timetable every few seconds to confirm something or learn something new about Hong Kong’s public transportation system. I watch her legs as she does so, marvelling that their colour and shape alone can be so erotic. 

By the fifth time she scurries, I laugh at her, too loudly; she probably notices, and scampers to the other side of the stop, movements so controlled, as though she is scared of some violation. Another bus comes, and this time she is gone. 

And now I am on my bus smiling, pleased by the hold of simple beauty, by innocent pleasures, and by the lightness I feel when I stop worrying and allow myself to just enjoy.

Sunday, 10th June, 2012

If not meow, then when?

Filed under: Mammals — Tags: , , , , , , — Otter @ 13:09

[I just saw this post’s title (give or take) appear on the front page of wordpress.com, so I’m pilfering it, as apart from being funny and clever it is not an inappropriate descriptor for the below contents. Just sayin’.]

I did her a favour, and I hope she sees that. If she hates me, that is her choice, although it would be a disappointing one… But we were incompatible, at least in our current states. I love her very much, but we simply couldn’t go on the way we were. I am hurt and angry that she has decided to block me altogether, whether out of revenge or excessive pain at every encounter with me or out of a misguided attempt to “move on” cleanly, the last a quixotic wish. But I must respect her decision. I am not her father.

If not meow, then when, catty cat? And if not me, then who? We both saw the truth but only I was willing to acknowledge it, before it was too late… I even accepted the risk that my greatest fear would come true, namely that you would excise me, as completely as possible, from your lifestream, which did indeed come true. But I am proud of myself, because now we will both be happier and we will grow as people (well, mammals) and then we can see clearly, later on, whether we were meant to be together, and in what way.

Meow for now, catty cat… I hope to see you again soon.

your always confused otter, always

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